All I Can Do Is Laugh

I met with my reflection
and saw every incorrection
A once lovely mind turned haunted
echoing reasons to be unwanted
Beautiful lies from flesh to bone
reminding me that I’m alone

The purest truth, I’ve come to learn,
comes from my blood, bruises, and burns
A hurt so real that it feels good
A feeling I’d hold onto if I could
That damn desperate to feel alive
Before my soul gets more deprived

Embracing madness to embrace me
Delusional enough to think I’m happy

Laugh through the pain despite my tears
Just go insane despite my fears


Take Me With You

It is almost too much,
your invisible touch
Fingers combing my hair
or teasing at my neck
Big arms with hugs to share
for those times I’m a wreck

Look over my shoulder
‘fore the night gets older
A sweet apparition
stands with me so proudly
A ghost on a mission
to love soft, not loudly

Golden gaze like the sun
Charm that can’t be outdone
When you laugh, I could die
That’s how happy I get
When you hurt, I might cry
They’re tears I won’t regret

You’re real but also not
I think of you a lot
I hope that you can hear
this message pure and true,
“Next time you disappear
Please, please take me with you”

Bruised Knuckles

Scanning hands with eyes of rage
Coldly reminded of the battle they waged
Knuckles dressed in colors so morbid
From the senseless wall punching that I did

Strike after strike ‘till the skin cracked
Then I kept going ‘till some knuckles turned black
Honestly, it didn’t hurt nearly as bad
as the cruel words that made me so sad

To say you don’t care
Now, how is that fair?
You’ve flippantly said it many times before
as if repeating it should make me less sore?

With no love to be found
Do you expect me to stick around?
I’m better off out there bleeding
instead of sitting here crying and pleading

And maybe I did lose my mind
to demonic voices unkind
You could always ask “where?”
But we both know you don’t care

Grey and Blue

Only me and you
in our world of grey and blue
You don’t exist here, but I can pretend
Just to put this loneliness to an end

Making sure I don’t fade
thanks to your serenades
Imagining you’re right here
easing away my aches and fears

The voices in my head
fill me with such dread
Your voice, though…
One of the sweetest counters I know

Cross-legged on a hilltop
where the magic never stops
Only me and you
in our world of grey and blue

My Purpose

The darkness above me
is deep inside of me too
Nothing really gave me glee
until I met you

I was born from shadows
who, every day, I fight
I honestly didn’t know
I could birth such a warm light

Your smile gives me hope
that I’ve never had before
It’s like stargazing through a telescope
Praising the beauty more and more

This swirling tempest of shades
It’s solitary suffocation
But when you’re near, that all fades
Replacing misery with elation

I’ve always been a nobody
And then you called me “mommy”
An honor I did not foresee
in this chilling, emotional tsunami

You give me purpose, son
Please, don’t let that pressure you
Live happily and freely, and have your fun
while I quietly admire all that you do

Not Enough

I’ll never be enough for you
Or enough for me
No matter what I fucking do
or how much I may plea

I am a failure in my eyes
Maybe in yours, too?
You say I’m not, to my surprise
But I don’t believe you

“I’m disappointed,” you had said
That hurt, you should know
Those words now live on in my head
They’ll birth nightmares and woe

If possible, I’d make a trade
Me for someone good
A non-fuckup of highest grade
who’s better understood

I wish I was enough for you
And enough for me
I wish I didn’t have issues
I wish I wasn’t me

A Call in the Night

The dark of night
I called for you
You answered fast
like you always do

We talked a bit
Just you and me
Some topics light,
others weighty

For a moment
the world felt right
I felt blinded
by your warm light

But lights all fade
We know this truth
Such was proven
back in my youth

Doom upon me
It mattered not
Talking like this,
it meant a lot

I was happy
You were crying
And you pleaded,
“Don’t stop trying”

This dream was sweet
despite its end
I felt so blessed
to know you, friend